I was bummed for a lil while. Went to get my dad's old record player and realized it's broken. I was lookin for some inspiration and was hoping it and his Earth Wind and Fire records would boost my spirits. I know I coud listen to the CD but I long for the crackling sound it makes...

I've noticed lately that I haven't been as focused as I was before I moved into my spot. Before I would go straight to the library or coffee shop and be on my laptop for hours. Even if I wasn't working on my book, my thoughts were still flowin and I was able to jot it all down. If you haven't notice I have a very eccentric mind which goes along with my eccentric personality. But now it just seems like a cloud or somethin... Almost like I'm forcing myself to write and that's not normal. I'm starting to think my thoughts are taking over my plan. Cause I'm not a writer. (see look right there, I started a sentence off with "cause") But I'm not. I just have these great ideas for a couple of books. The most personal one starts from the day I turned 25 and from that day on; my life changed. My eyes were more alert, people came in and out my life throughout that year and for the first time I understood why they were there and the message they left. I call them seed planters. But it also explains how long I was blinded. How long I went on with my life not questioning anything. a lot of pain. It's very personal. I keep asking myself is someone really going to enjoy a book that sounds like I'm writing in one of my journals? I don't know...

I know the solution. I know that I can do anything. I know the bible (and it's flaws) and the quran (a lil) both say that God is within. Which to means my dreams are limitless... But I'm lacking the drive I once had. There's so much I want to do with this life but it's not feeling like a reality yet.